Be the night owl!

Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise.

Whoever said this, must have been an ardent morning person, a lark. I am a lark too, well, to some extent I am, not a good one though. I would always want to sleep early, but I usually tend to stay awake till around 2 at least.

And for the first time I actually felt good for being a ‘bad’ lark. But being a bad lark will not help. I need to be a night owl to be smarter and richer. At least thats what Dr Christina Schimdt’s team at the University of Liege in Belgium says after their intensive research.

They studied a group of night owls and larks and their results were quite interesting. Everyone was able to respond equally well after having been awake for the first few hours. But it was after 10.5 hours that the larks started to get lazy and felt sleepier. On the other hand, this was when the night owls started to feel more energetic and shone much brighter than the larks in all activities.

Now the problem that most night owls face is that the normal working hours suit that of a lark which makes the owls be sluggish at work early in the morning. Thus, most night owls will only excel in a kind of work where they get to make their own rules, including their working hours.

Note: Btw, the term used for people like me is ‘hummingbird’…people who can very easily turn into an owl without much effort and can also become very good lark with some effort.

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Blissful Marriage (7)

Note: This post is not by me, instead its something I found on IslamOnline.net.

Questions: Is there such thing as rape in a marriage? Is a wife obligated to do EVERYTHING her husband demands of her?

Dear questioner, we appreciate the great confidence you have in us, and we implore Allah to help us serve the cause of Islam and to render this work for His Sake. We hope our efforts meet your expectations.

It should be stated first that Islam is keen to build a strong society. Since family is the cornerstone of society, Islam pays it much attention so as to preserve its stability and well-being. In doing so, Islam defines the main objectives of family life and clearly defines the role of each partner.

We’d also like to make it clear that “domestic abuse and rape within marriage is a social issue that happens within our society. It is everyone’s problem and not confined to any particular religion or ethnic group. It is almost never talked about, but one thing is clear, wives who are battered are more likely also to be raped.

Rape is the term used to describe sexual intercourse committed without a person’s consent and / or against a person’s will. Often, it is easy to view marital rape as less serious and traumatic when compared to other forms of rape. Studies , however, have shown that marital rape is frequently quite violent and generally has more severe, traumatic effects on the victim than other rape. A stranger rape, as devastating as it is, is a one-time occurrence. Marital rape however, involves a series of devastating occurrences, often spanning years. When you are raped by your husband, you have to live with your rapist!

Why would a man rape his wife? Strangely enough, it is not due to a wife’s withholding of sex which is the most common myth. Most women who report being raped by their husbands also report having consensual sexual intercourse with them. If the offender is not deterred by social conventions against hitting and punching, he will probably not be inhibited by social conventions against forcing sex either.”

(Excerpted, with slight modification, from http://www.geocities.com)

So in the light of this, we came to realize why Islam lays much emphasis on the concept of mutual love between spouses; why the Glorious Qur’an made it clear that “It is He Who created you from a single person, and made his mate of like nature, in order that he might dwell with her (in love).

Dr. Muzammil H. Siddiqi, former President of the Islamic Society of North America, clarifies this further by saying:

“The relations between the spouses should be based on tranquility, love and mercy. Allah says, “And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect.” (al-Rum 30:21)

Tranquility (sukun), love (mawaddah) and mercy (rahmah): these are very important concepts in Islam. These three summarize the ideals of Islamic marriage. It is the duty of the husband and wife to see that they are a source of comfort and tranquility for each other. They should do everything physically, emotionally and spiritually to make each other feel happy and comfortable. They must care for each other. They should not inflict any harm or injury, neither physically nor verbally, to each other. In order to increase the tranquility and comfort in their relations and in their home, they should love each other and should have mercy and kindness for each other.

Loving and merciful relationship is an important ingredient of a good marriage and good family life. In Islamic marriage, neither the husband is allowed to demand his wife what is forbidden by Allah and what is harsh and unseemly, nor the wife is allowed to demand her husband to do anything that Allah has forbidden and what would put undue burden upon her husband. Sex is a natural urge and desire. Islam allows sexual intercourse only among the married couples. Fornication and adultery are forbidden in Islam. Since according to Islam there is no other permissible way for this desire to be fulfilled except between the spouses, they must be considerate to each other.

The Shari`ah has given us two important principles in this matter.

(1) The first principle is that the husband should not deny himself to his wife and the wife also should not deny herself to her husband. They should do their best to satisfy their marriage partner. Even during the menses or post childbirth bleeding, when intercourse is forbidden, husband and wife can be together and can enjoy affection and intimacy in other ways.

(2) The second principle is that in their conjugal relations the couples should be kind and considerate. There are some Ahadith that report that the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, disapproved when he heard that some husbands approached coitus abruptly and make a crude departure at the end of the act. It is reported, for example, that the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “It is a rude manner of a man to proceed to have intercourse with his wife without first playing with her.” Or “It is a vice in a man to assault his unprepared wife, seeking to satisfy his own lust and leaving her before she could achieve her own fulfillment…” Imam al-Ghazali in his Ihya’ (vol. 2: 49-50) has mentioned these Ahadith. Most of the scholars of Hadith consider these Ahadith weak (da`if) and we cannot say with surety that they are the statements of the Prophet -peace be upon him, they do, however, contain some wisdom and etiquette that are natural and Islamic.”

Excerpted, with slight modifications, from:
http://pakistanlink.com

As for the husband’s right to sexual access and its conditions, Sheikh Ibn al-`Uthaymin, the well-known Saudi scholar, adds:

“It is obligatory upon the wife to respond to her husband if he calls her to his bed. However, if she is psychologically ill and is not able to actively respond to his call or if she has a physical illness, then in such cases it is not allowed for the husband to call upon her. This is because the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “There is to be no harm done or reciprocation of harm.” He should either refrain or enjoy her company in such a way that does not harm her.”

So, this indicates that there shouldn’t be anything called marital rape in the Islamic marriage, i.e. marriage governed by the rules and teachings of Allah Almighty and the beautiful example set by the noble Prophet, Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him. Sexual relationship between husbands and wives should be based on mutual love and respect. This point is stressed by the following fatwa, issued by the eminent Muslim scholar, Sheikh Muhammad Al-Hanooti, member of the North American Fiqh Council:

“Intimacy should be a matter of etiquette and courtesy, not a matter of abstract desire. The Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, as `Aisha, may Allah be pleased with her narrates, used to have good foreplay and fondling and the like so that a spouse should be in the mood to have intimacy. What the Hadith means is that a wife should respond positively. Man should never jump to the extent of forcing his wife, but she should show no arrogance or hatred or denial when it comes to her appreciation and respect of her husband. Her denial to intimacy usually should give a hint to the husband that she is not physically or emotionally ready for that.

The husband should be of good reason and understand her situation. The husband should show almost the same response, and the same etiquette, if the wife hints to desiring intimacy with him. However, he is less offensive than his wife if he doesn’t show a good response. In general, the Qur’an says, “They (wives) have as many rights as they are committed to duties.” But a man should not be away from intimacy for any longer than four months, if the woman is in need of it.”

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Just another random post

Right now, I just had some random stuff to share with everyone.

To start off, here’s something which I received as a forwarding from an old friend. Safi this one’s for you 😉

1. Once, all villagers decided to pray for rain, on the day of prayer all the People gathered but only one boy came with an umbrella…

THAT’S FAITH

2. When you throw a baby in the air, she laughs because she knows you will catch her…

THAT’S TRUST

3.Every night we go to bed, without any assurance of being alive the next Morning but still we set the alarms in our watch to wake up…

THAT’S HOPE

4. We plan big things for tomorrow in spite of zero knowledge of the future or having any certainty of uncertainties…

THAT’S CONFIDENCE

5. We see the world suffering. We know there is every possibility of same or similar things happening to us. But still we get married??…

THAT’S OVER CONFIDENCE

Movie Recommendation

Traitor

A lil old, two years to be precise but for me its something which I didnt even know about till just a few days back. It’s  an intelligent  movie with mesmerizing performance by Don Cheadle (Samir) who plays a quite, devout Sudanese-American muslim snatched early in the movie for having ties with a terrorist organization. The best thing about the movie is that it stays away from racial/religious stereotyping and very clearly shows how the so called ‘jihadists’ are actually damaging Islam.

Green Zone

Wont say much about it, its an angry film and Matt Damon does a good job enacting the role of a US army officer who wants to do more than just follow the commands. So as not to add any plot spoilers, all Id say about the movie is about how power-hungry politicians would maneuver any situation to keep themselves in power. Might not have done too well at the box office (perhaps cuz at times it starts to feel like a documentary) but the movie is very well made.

Dear John

Sweet and romantic. Its a story of a handsome, polite young army officer and a beautiful girl whose love gets tested when they stay apart because of the war on terror. The whole movie rests on a very thin plot but it works because of the great chemistry between the lead characters. I would have appreciated if the ending was better thought of but over all it was a nice chick-flick.

Shutter Island

Loved it to say the least. A dark and creepy psychological thriller which may not work for everyone, especially those who want to see action packed or sci-fi thrillers. But it surely works for people who look for a strong storyline, great performances, the director’s vision about their favorite book and dont mind watching really long movies: well over two hours. This is one of the few movies with story adapted from a book that didnt really let me down. I just hope the ending was better portrayed, it leaves the people, even those who have read the book, a bit confused and asking for more explanation. In a nutshell, its a technically sound movie with a very carefully constructed plot and the type of performance that you expect from an actor of the caliber of Leonardo di Caprio.

And the Biggest Surprise!

I never imagined, not even in my wildest dream, I could ever like Arif Lohar, but this one really rocks. Or perhaps its just the team at Coke Studio that has made this version so awesome. Btw, the girl, Meesha Shafi, is Saba Hameed’s daughter and lead singer for the band, ‘Overload.’ She has an amazingly strong voice to say the least.