How To Recognise & Deal With Toxic Friends

The word toxic means “poisonous”, a condition that is particularly used to describe anything that causes a lot of harm & unhappiness over a longer period of time. Similarly, the term toxic friends are used to describe such friends who are not your well-wishers & at points they cripple you from inside hence putting your life on the verge of troubles.

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Here I am going to share some signs that will help you to identify your toxic friends.

How to recognize Toxic Friends?

Have you ever wondered what might be the immediate cause of your failure or a decrease in your self-confidence? Are your friends repeatedly taunting you or making fun of your abilities in front of others?

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If yes, then this is the best time to recognize your toxic friends & deal with them smartly.

  • Think about a situation in your life where your friends have conveyed such criticism to you that made you feel smaller & even embarrassed in front of others. This is the biggest sign of a toxic friend who leaves no room for your praise in crowds.
  • They play with your weak points & disclose your secrets for gaining other people’s sympathies.
  • They are self-centered and bully you repeatedly. This condition can psychologically affect your mental & physical abilities.

How to deal with Toxic friends?

Dealing with toxic friends is not as easy as you might have thought. The key rule here is to never let the negativity of your friend to enter your mind. Take their gossips and criticism lightly as their ruthless nature will never go away. Always try to keep your good news with yourself.

The next step is to find humor in smaller things when you are with your toxic friends. Although it might not be an easy task but you can still laugh at your silly mistakes & crack a joke about it with your friends. This small effort will change your attitude & you will develop the capability of facing the challenges with a good behavior.

“If they do it often, it isn’t a mistake; it’s just their behavior” By Dr.Steve

 

 

 

 

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What not to do when meeting relatives and friends over this Eid ul Fitr

As we approach the end of Ramadan and still try to guess when exactly Eid is, let’s try and make this Eid beautiful not only for ourselves but also for others around us by knowing what not to say.

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None of us mean to say the wrong thing but sometimes we just do especially when we meet our extended family after several months. Sometimes we meet new faces as families expand, or even unexpected guests. Now that I am older, I also see myself sometimes passing the irritating comment, ‘Arey masha allah tum kitney Barry ho gaye.’ It happens to everyone. We often end up asking questions that seem entirely innocent to us but can hurt and/or irritate the other person emotionally.

In the list below I share some of the questions that are not as polite as we might think they are.

What not to ask people this Eid ul Fitr or any other party? 

  1. Do not ask anyone when they are getting married. People might be looking aggressively for an appropriate rishta and sometimes finding a suitable rishta is not easy. And no, it’s not suitable to tell them about certain single women who you think might be extremely lonely. There is no point in showing the grim side of not being married. Sometimes, they do not want to get married any time soon and they have other plans. At times it gets so infuriating that many young adults do not want to join their family during ‘House hopping’.
  2. Do not ask others when they might be having kids. Infertility issues, miscarriages or sometimes just not planning a child might be the reason for a couple not having a child. Other people reproductive health and decisions are none of your business. You don’t know who is dealing with infertility or grieving miscarriages or struggling with health issues. You don’t know who is having relationship issues or who might not be in a position to have their ‘next’ child straight away. You don’t know your seemingly innocent question might cause some people grief, pain or stress. This is one question you must stay away from.
  3. Do not comment on anyone’s weight. You can simply say, ‘It’s so good to see you.’ We will surely meet someone who might lost a bit too much weight or someone who has drastically gained a lot of weight. Weight is sometimes not just about being lazy or over indulgence. Whether you believe it or not, it’s not necessary at all to tell someone about how bad they look due to their weight. They probably do have mirrors at home and know exactly how they look. Their weight is their business. Some people are confident and secure in whatever their weight may be. Some people are struggling. So it’s best to avoid any conversation that revolves around weight.
  4. If you meet a young child, do not ask them who their favourite family member is or who they love most. Love is a huge word and it’s meaning can’t possibly be understood by a young child. Also do not force them to eat something. Nut/gluten allergies are more common than you might think so let the parents choose what they want their kids to eat.
  5. This one is also a basic etiquette that you must have when meeting a young child. Do not say, ‘hug/kiss me and I will give you a treat.’ Please do not invade a child’s private space. They are still learning about trust and do not tell the child that its alright to bribe for certain ‘favours’

So yea, that’s about it. Sometimes empathy is more important than anything else. And the best thing about it is that it doesn’t cost anything.

To ban or not to ban Facebook

No, this is not about the offensive page for which Pakistani courts have banned facebook. I could not have possibly done a better job than Adil Najam so I will not be talking about it in this post. You can read his post here. All I have to say on the topic is that it would have been much simpler if FB deleted that page because the page was full of hate comments, something which is anyway against the FB terms (see Terms, under Safety, no 7). The page is hateful and is attacking a group of people by hurting emotions and offending religious, social and cultural values of 1.3 billion people worldwide. Its not only about Pakistan (4.5  million users), many other muslims all around the world have already deleted their accounts. And if you think FB doesnt care about Pakistan, then you are wrong, they do not want to lose their ardent fans anywhere in the world.

I, instead, will talk about something else.

My husband is not a facebook user. He does have an account but it has no friends added so u can imagine how enthusiastic he is about social networking sites. In fact, he had even forgotten he had an FB account till he got an email from FB suggesting him a few friends. That freaked him out as he was not sure how those people were being suggested to him whom he had emailed once or twice from his gmail account that he had used to open his FB account. He came back home and told me about it. Now I wasnt sure but as I had seen some similar suggestions on my own FB account, I told him that most probably FB links with the email account we use for our FB account and gets information from there. All this time I didnt realize that this is a serious case of privacy intrusion.My husband asked me if gmail allows data sharing and frankly speaking, I wasnt sure as I had never read their privacy policy. You know, we just ‘accept’ all the terms and conditions. Here’s what Gmail’s privacy policy says:

Google may make available third party applications through its services. The information collected by Google when you enable a gadget or other application is processed under this Privacy Policy. Information collected by the application or gadget provider is governed by their privacy policies. […] This Privacy Policy applies to Google services only. We do not exercise control over the sites displayed as search results, sites that include Google applications, products or services, or links from within our various services. These other sites may place their own cookies or other files on your computer, collect data or solicit personal information from you.

I emailed Google to clarify this, as yet, I havent received a reply. I will post their response here as soon as I get one. One this is for sure, Google doesnt seem to be the bigger evil here cuz a little discussion with a few people made me deduce that people using other email service providers are getting ‘crazy’ friend suggestions as well. This meant I needed to check what Facebook is up to.

The following is an email that I sent my husband, I thought its worth sharing. Spread the word:

I think facebook is upto something really creepy.
This first artcle has nothing against FB, instead it talks about another site: Tagged but I think this is what FB might be doing as well. After all FB usually remains silent about its privacy and sharing policies. Read the article here.
Here’s another article which is targeted at FB only.
One more article (all theories as FB has stayed tight lipped on this issue).
Now, obviously, its not Google’s or Hotmail’s or Yahoo’s mistake if FB is peeking into people’s user accounts and saving information which it has no right over.

I just did a little check myself because I have never imported my Gmail contact list into my FB profile and yet I get friend suggestions of people who I am sure dont have me on the contact lists (they dont use Gmail and other email service providers do not save contacts automatically, instead ask for approval) as I do not really know them enough that I would be on their lists. So, today I went to the friend suggestion page and interestingly, it didnt even ask me for my password although it says that it will not remember the password. I was doing this while logged on to my Gmail account which means there’s more to it than we usually consider as in FB is getting in to browser cookies too most probably.

Here’s what FB has to say about friends suggestions (I am quoting it directly from the FB site):

What are Suggestions?

Suggestions is a feature that helps you connect with people and Pages you are likely to know, as well as engage with your confirmed friends on Facebook. Facebook calculates Suggestions based on the networks you are a part of, mutual friends, work and education information, contacts imported using the Friend Finder, and many other factors.”

The FB site has no explanation of what “many other factors” means. Might mean contact scraping and might also mean getting in to browser cookies. No way of finding it out.

Finally, another very interesting post, definitely worth reading and worth spreading.

Aur Duniya Kehti Happy Birthday to you

Blog Stats

Total views: 57,186

Busiest day: 307 — Friday, January 16, 2009

Views today: 106

So I complete my two years of blogging!

It still seems a lil weird that I actually started blogging and have also continued it long enough to be writing this exactly two years later cuz I have never liked writing, I have never been good at it and still dont think I have gotten any better even after 166 posts on this blog only. Still, I know there are certain people who have been kind enough to visit my blog regularly and read all the crap that I not only write but am also audacious enough ( 😛 ) to publish them. So for all those people who have over time become buddies, acquaintances or prefer to remain strangers/silent readers and also those who practically always have something negative to say and yet come to the blog everyday…I have to say I wonder at you being here. Through blogging, I have been able to meet some really wonderful people and although I still do not consider my blog to be a mainstream one, I know there are people who wait for me to update it.

The blog says….Thank you 🙂

Truth?

Now wen Safi and farooq did this post, I didnt really take it too seriously. It was fun to read and even more fun to read the comments coming on it. Initially I didnt really plan to take it as a tag…at least not to be done alone but the minerva did one herself so I thought Id give it a try too. Mine would obviously wouldnt be as descriptive as Minerva’s, Im sorry I dont write so well and I am always short of words ( 😛 ) so hopefully this should suffice. (I am only writing about ppl I consider my buddies so if you find something offensive about urself, dont expect an apology, buddies should be able to digest this. Wanted to add AD here but have known her for only a few months, so if i’l ever do a sequel of this, expect her to be in there. ):

  • Absar: Oh well, he’s one of the few guys who dont mind being called sweet. Is that enough to describe him? Ummm, I dont think so. He is one guy who u can expect do be doing tags, always in love and is sensitive enough to not only write poems and even watch (and enjoy!!) flicks from 50s. So in short, I kinda agree with Safi and farooq here 😛
  • Anas: He can surely be a lot like Absar at times…getting there but not completely there as yet 😛 I always thought guys were supposed to disorganised and lazy. This boy plans everything years in advance and is also worried about his weight.
  • PD: I just love her. She’s humble, sweet and one of the nicest ppl I have come across in my life. Sanest of us all.
  • Mahwash: Takes her life very seriously. If she’s doing something, she has to be either really good at it or she wont be doing it. She has strong opinions about stuff and is not scared of being vocal about them, thus, either makes a lot of people simply hate her or just love her for wat she is.
  • Hira: Witty and crude. She is very honest and thats the best thing about her. If she doesnt like something, she’l say it on ur face.
  • Safi and farooq: They are both crazy and pretend to be wat they are not. But they are mature, sensitive ppl. They both know wat their problems are, even know the solution to their problem but they dont really seem to be doing much to solve em. They can be a lot of fun wen u want to have fun, they can be the best listeners wen u want someone to just listen to ur crap without really judging you and can give you great advises wen u are simply looking for sincere advises.

Honest Confessions

Although I have done a post out of narcism which had so many confessions, I thought of taking up an interesting post on minerva’s blog as a tag few days back. Haris has now tagged me with something similar so I’ll just mix em both 🙂

Here’s the deal to do the Honest Tag:  tell your readers 10 things about you that they may or may not know, but are true. Tag ten people and be sure to let them know they’ve been tagged (a quick comment on their blog will do). Don’t forget to link back to the blogger who tagged you.

Confessions of a Believer

  • I was born in a family which is half strictly barehlvi, half strictly deobandi. I am trying to find where I stand.
  • Asking questions about my beliefs make me a ‘nonbeliever’ in eyes of a lot of people. People can call me anything they want to, name calling only makes me more determined to find answers to my questions.

Confessions of a blogger

  • I started blogging for myself but I soon realized that a lot of people do read what I write. It did make me omit some of the content that I would love to have here but that still doesnt change the way I see a lot of things. Just spamming a particular post with negative comments, making personal attacks on me or any other reader of mine only makes me think of that commenter/stalker/spammer as a retard.
  • I have made a rule to myself that I will only allow bloggers to leave comments on my posts…cept for a few people who have been coming to my blog for a real long time.
  • I dont consider myself a writer and perhaps thats the reason why I find it so difficult to do the write ups for anything at all.
  • I have met some really wonderful people through this blog and I am glad that I opted to blog.

Confessions of a friend

  • The word friendship doesnt mean much to me anymore. I have been stabbed in the back so many times that I dont know how I still end up trusting people; I still trust people quite easily.

Confessions of a woman living in the 21st century

  • I know my weaknesses and although I complain about them a lot, I know I can handle things a lot of the things myself.
  • I check my emails at least 20 times every day.
  • Google is my wedding planner.

If you are reading it, you are tagged 🙂