How To Recognise & Deal With Toxic Friends

The word toxic means “poisonous”, a condition that is particularly used to describe anything that causes a lot of harm & unhappiness over a longer period of time. Similarly, the term toxic friends are used to describe such friends who are not your well-wishers & at points they cripple you from inside hence putting your life on the verge of troubles.

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Here I am going to share some signs that will help you to identify your toxic friends.

How to recognize Toxic Friends?

Have you ever wondered what might be the immediate cause of your failure or a decrease in your self-confidence? Are your friends repeatedly taunting you or making fun of your abilities in front of others?

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If yes, then this is the best time to recognize your toxic friends & deal with them smartly.

  • Think about a situation in your life where your friends have conveyed such criticism to you that made you feel smaller & even embarrassed in front of others. This is the biggest sign of a toxic friend who leaves no room for your praise in crowds.
  • They play with your weak points & disclose your secrets for gaining other people’s sympathies.
  • They are self-centered and bully you repeatedly. This condition can psychologically affect your mental & physical abilities.

How to deal with Toxic friends?

Dealing with toxic friends is not as easy as you might have thought. The key rule here is to never let the negativity of your friend to enter your mind. Take their gossips and criticism lightly as their ruthless nature will never go away. Always try to keep your good news with yourself.

The next step is to find humor in smaller things when you are with your toxic friends. Although it might not be an easy task but you can still laugh at your silly mistakes & crack a joke about it with your friends. This small effort will change your attitude & you will develop the capability of facing the challenges with a good behavior.

“If they do it often, it isn’t a mistake; it’s just their behavior” By Dr.Steve

 

 

 

 

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What not to do when meeting relatives and friends over this Eid ul Fitr

As we approach the end of Ramadan and still try to guess when exactly Eid is, let’s try and make this Eid beautiful not only for ourselves but also for others around us by knowing what not to say.

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None of us mean to say the wrong thing but sometimes we just do especially when we meet our extended family after several months. Sometimes we meet new faces as families expand, or even unexpected guests. Now that I am older, I also see myself sometimes passing the irritating comment, ‘Arey masha allah tum kitney Barry ho gaye.’ It happens to everyone. We often end up asking questions that seem entirely innocent to us but can hurt and/or irritate the other person emotionally.

In the list below I share some of the questions that are not as polite as we might think they are.

What not to ask people this Eid ul Fitr or any other party? 

  1. Do not ask anyone when they are getting married. People might be looking aggressively for an appropriate rishta and sometimes finding a suitable rishta is not easy. And no, it’s not suitable to tell them about certain single women who you think might be extremely lonely. There is no point in showing the grim side of not being married. Sometimes, they do not want to get married any time soon and they have other plans. At times it gets so infuriating that many young adults do not want to join their family during ‘House hopping’.
  2. Do not ask others when they might be having kids. Infertility issues, miscarriages or sometimes just not planning a child might be the reason for a couple not having a child. Other people reproductive health and decisions are none of your business. You don’t know who is dealing with infertility or grieving miscarriages or struggling with health issues. You don’t know who is having relationship issues or who might not be in a position to have their ‘next’ child straight away. You don’t know your seemingly innocent question might cause some people grief, pain or stress. This is one question you must stay away from.
  3. Do not comment on anyone’s weight. You can simply say, ‘It’s so good to see you.’ We will surely meet someone who might lost a bit too much weight or someone who has drastically gained a lot of weight. Weight is sometimes not just about being lazy or over indulgence. Whether you believe it or not, it’s not necessary at all to tell someone about how bad they look due to their weight. They probably do have mirrors at home and know exactly how they look. Their weight is their business. Some people are confident and secure in whatever their weight may be. Some people are struggling. So it’s best to avoid any conversation that revolves around weight.
  4. If you meet a young child, do not ask them who their favourite family member is or who they love most. Love is a huge word and it’s meaning can’t possibly be understood by a young child. Also do not force them to eat something. Nut/gluten allergies are more common than you might think so let the parents choose what they want their kids to eat.
  5. This one is also a basic etiquette that you must have when meeting a young child. Do not say, ‘hug/kiss me and I will give you a treat.’ Please do not invade a child’s private space. They are still learning about trust and do not tell the child that its alright to bribe for certain ‘favours’

So yea, that’s about it. Sometimes empathy is more important than anything else. And the best thing about it is that it doesn’t cost anything.

Neurological Disorder Vs Mental illness

If you’ve ever visited a hospital (and I mean really taken your time to explore it!), you’d know that the neurology ward is completely separate from the psychiatric one. They’re never adjacent; heck, they might not be in the same building even!
Two terms that are often used synonymously by many of us are psychiatric illnesses and neurological disorders. While it’s true that the crux of the two relates to the brain, they are in reality two entirely different set of disorders and diseases.
Psychiatric or mental disorders are a group of conditions that primarily affect the personality of the individual without solid diagnostic evidence. Neurologic disorders, on the other hand, often present as a physical pathology of the brain such as a tumor that can cause not only personality and psychiatric symptoms but also other related motor and sensory symptoms.
Studies have shown that psychiatric illnesses usually involve the frontal lobe of the brain as well the visual areas whereas in neurological disorders, the pathology is widespread and not limited to a specific region.
While the two conditions are easily confused and used interchangeably, recognizing what you might be suffering from is crucial for an effective recovery. Get in touch with your physician today if you experience any symptoms of a brain disorder whether psychiatric or neurological!

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On Writing, and Writers Block

Sometimes it comes to me as flowing wind, not too fast, gentle but forceful, naturally, fluently pouring out of my fingers on to the keypad or into a paper. And sometimes it just stalls, behind a frosted glass window; I can glimpse it but not actually see it, it leaves me entranced and at the same time frustrated. Just like the frosted glass door in my high school. My class was upstairs and one day a few months after joining I exited the principal’s office (some mischievous errand I am sure) and about to climb the stairs when suddenly my eyes beheld a strange thing in the otherwise squalid and ugly building, a thing of absolute perfect beauty enhanced by the drab surroundings. It was a silver framed door of frosted glass, and since the sun shone extremely bright in the desert island city I lived in, it was lit up bright, a glimmering silver light filtered through giving the dusty innards of the building a cool luminosity. Outlined in the bright frame was a single branch of bougainvillea, dark green and bright red, at once visible and not clear. I stood transfixed staring at this improbable beauty, it was like a beautiful dream which overshadows your mind even after awakening, but you can never quite completely figure out what it exactly was and wonder about it for days. Its sweet aftertaste lingers on but clarity is forever eluded. I stood transfixed unable to digest what this was, was it a sign from up above that there is escape yet from this dreary world or was it just a distraction, was it a door into the occult; there I stood until the jarring sound of a banging door in the corridor brought me back to the drudgery of the world coming back to life around me. But a nagging doubt often came to me sitting in class, walking to the library, back home in bed what was that, why didn’t I touch the door or try and open it, was there even a real plant there outside, why couldn’t I see what was it exactly on the other side. That is often my situation, the frosted glass intrigues me but at the same time haunts me, I cannot manage to open the door. The worst times however are when a dark shadow falls across the door, no light shines through and I feel claustrophobic, walled into grey corridors lit up by lurid white tube lights, no fresh air comes through. So it is that I pray for all my friends who write, my the door always be there, may you be able to open it at the right time and may the light always shine through.

So I have finally decided to start Using Reusable Bottles

If you are anything like me, I need caffeine to go through the day. And if you are as lazy as me, you would depend a lot on getting take away tea and coffee. However I have recently realised that this habit of mine is a huge burden on the environment. Apparently it takes hundreds of years for each plastic bottle to decompose, loading up landfills for years and years. Also each plastic bottle and disposable cup need a lot of energy  to produce. The production of these disposable bottles, cups and other cutlery also emits a lot of toxins in the environment.

I have recently bought a reusable cup for myself that I carry everyday while I get everything done. I get my coffee and tea on the go filled in that cup now. And trust me, most of the people at the coffee shops are happy to fill up my reusable cup. This is actually the easiest thing to change in our daily lives.

If you are looking for something similar too, do have a look at these options. These images will take you to Amazon where you can purchase these too. Happy shopping 🙂

Togather we might be able to help reduce our carbon footprint and save the environment for our future generations.

My Heart My Fellow Traveler

It has been so that life is a travel series, many times I found myself unsettling and settling again. Whether I was ever prepared for this or not, whether I was ever asked or given a choice in this matter; it is not relevant. Hence I once told my mother that since it has always been so and will probably be this way then we should consider this our fate. That suddenly one day, on some whim we will simply pull out our roots and move to new place and be expected to or will automatically re-root. But try as I might I forget that every time one pulls up ones roots a part of them remains in the soil.
If I count the places where parts of my soul remain, even I do not remember fully. A spring breeze, the whiff of night blooming jasmine, an azure blue sky, the shape of a certain building and sometimes even a grain of sand suddenly brings back a strong lucid memory pregnant with nostalgia and brimming with a connection yet unsevered. Arabian nights, Gothic towers, grand green hills, flat dusty plains, desert evenings, lakeshore walks, seaside barbecues; how much of it can I forget and how much of it will I carry inside me forever. Sometimes it overwhelms me and at others it soothes me, if I can carry a whole mountain range in my heart along with the Caspian sea, a crusaders castle, the Bosphorus bridge, the citadel of Allepo and the entire city of Karachi then surely I can make room for a little more.
‘We are leaving the life we know’, my husband found this silly,’ there are entire lives we don’t know about, doesn’t make them unlivable?’ I agree but the more times you put in your roots, the longer you allow them to grow, the harder it is to un-root, move away while the broken and buried limbs lay severed, in utmost pain. Slowly they fossilize and like a missing arm or leg one does learn to live without them. Then one day you remember having that very limb and the fossils awaken for a while, feel stifled and then readjust and fall into slumber. So for now I know that a clean cut is the best but it will take time for the cut to scar over and the skin to re-grow and the memories to fade.

My heart, my fellow traveler
It has been decreed once again
That you and I go into exile,
call out in streets
Roam from dwelling to dwelling
In the hope to find some clue
Leading us to a harbinger
Asking complete strangers
The way to our own home
In this land of strangers
For us to live from day to night
Trying to be understood
To this person then that
What that I should complain to you
The night of separation is best not talked about
It would have been of some comfort
Had the days been numbered
It would have been a comfort to die
Were we allowed to die only once
My heart, my fellow traveler
It has been decreed once again
Faiz Ahmed Faiz (Feebly translated by yours truly)

What Women Want

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Yes that is the name of the popular Hollywood romantic comedy starring Mel Gibson, but it is also the eternal question that men, women, society as a whole needs an answer to. Each individual has a different answer (if they have one at all), as Gibson finds out by the end of the movie, there is no one thing that women want but most of all they want love and respect. Not to be treated as objects or rungs on the ladder to success. Although women are the focus of the movie it is true for everyone, even plants and animals.
Respect is a very simple yet very large word, it stands for a basic human right, it encompasses dignity and attitude and it simply means giving each living thing its due. It’s as basic as the right to live. An animal in the wild respects this balance in the world, examples of this can be found in the fact that wild animals rarely kill for fun or sport, only when the need for survival kicks in. When you respect life itself then you respect the fact that everyone has a place in this world, is connected to the world around them, and that the very niche they occupy is important and affects everyone and everything around them. If taught to respect we understand the true equality of mankind.
When we do not teach our children basic respect we are depriving them of following a law of nature, we are bringing up the creepy boys who prey on vulnerable women but feel their ‘honour’ is in line if their mothers/daughters/sisters/wives are being preyed upon. We are bringing up girls who think they can only climb the ladder of success if they use other people to stand up upon; we are bringing up individuals who do not spare a thought for those who are working for them, for animals and nature who are at their mercy.
It is true that most of us are taught to respect men only, especially those who have some power over us and then men also get the larger portion of respect when it comes to women’s rights as individuals. So let’s promise on this women’s day to respect one another, to respect humanity, to respect dignity, to respect nature, to respect life and most of all to respect those who give so much and demand so little. Let’s learn and then teach the next generation to respect women and respect life.