But life goes on…

Written by Kanza Naseem

Death is hard. We have lived to see people in pain, and watched them deteriorate into nothing. In the end all we are left with are memories, like deep cuts in our skin which scar so horribly, every time they are touched they bleed, seems as though the cut becomes deeper, similar to how we fall so far deep, in to water. The fear of it all takes over. Suddenly you can’t seem to breathe, somewhere, somehow we are supposed to learn that its just life, and this is the way it works. We never do, there is no time, ‘bury heads in sand, but our future’s in our hands, it means nothing, if I haven’t got you’.

A persons touch can leave you breathless. Every aching moment when they pass away makes no sense. For a while you just want everything to stop. You want to stop zhurting and feeling pain, just until everything is over, so you don’t have to deal with it. It’s natural. ‘That’s enough for now’

Everybody moves on, it be too soon for some. We like to hold on, clutch onto hope, so tightly, that we forget what people meant to others. We went slowly we took it easy, we stood still. Somehow we forget that others didn’t, they did not stop, and wait for emotion. They persevered, their grief is over, ours has just begun. We mourn what we have lost, on our own, sometimes its better this way, no body understands now. Grief meant their problems have disappeared (not), they let go to soon, we were not ready. Now we are. ‘And I’ve been knocking but no one answers
And I’ve been knocking most all the day.’

Time is a healer, we are supposed to understand, not forget. We never do, its easier to forget to get caught up, with other things, to bury ourselves with work, tasks things to accomplish, goals, a light to chase. Its all fear of some sort, how can we understand it? For it takes over everything, its seeps in to every empty crack, there is no balance, no way, or one to stop it. In summer we plant our seeds and hope to watch them prosper in to something beautiful, a sweet pear, and oozing ‘tamato’ 😉 a flower, we are consumed in their beauty. We forget come autumn they will fall, and disappear, in to the winds they blow, where they end up nobody knows, everything is meant to fade. ‘He must have been a gardener that cared a lot. Who weeded out the tears and grew a good crop, Now we pray for rain, and with every drop that falls. We hear, we hear your name’ ♥ We are blinded by lights, which make things look easy. Feelings are not. They take over. They don’t make sense they make things difficult.

This is reality, it’s your grief, and it’s allowed; this is your life. It hurts and sometimes it’s supposed to, it bruises but somehow you have to feel it, you have to deal with it, fear is uncontrollable, but it always will be. Use your pain to come out the other side stronger and always remember someone’s watching over you.

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Bin roye (review) episode 6

Mahira khan! oh yes! Bin Roye is all about Mahira Khan. her beauty and her amazing performance is what Bin Roye makes a treat.

In this episode, Saman got married to Irtiza and although saba had been ‘pretending’ that she has moved on, she hasn’t. all her emotions came out pouring after Saman and irtiza got nikohofied. mahira khan was more than brilliant in that scene. saba’s dadi was there to witness it all but she let her cry her heart out. Saba cursed Saman several times during her outburst and it hurt her dadi. her dadi is like her best friend who knows her deepest, darkest secrets. on the other hand, safeer’s mommy is looking for a rishta for her son and she has saba in her mind. however, safeer himself is in love with a Hindu girl he met while he was studying in USA. safeer, being a coward agrees to get married to saba and does not have guts to leave his girlfriend either. safeer’s mommy has proposed saba via her dadi and her dadi has asked for a little time. meanwhile Saman and irtiza have found happiness in each other and they seem to be enjoying marital bliss.

This episode was all about Mahira Khan as I mentioned before. she not only looks stunning, her performance is on point too. the song was a delight to watch. however, I am not too happy with performances of other actors (except for dadi who is phenomenal). humayon Saeed and armeena Rana khan look good but they hardly have any expressions on their face. when humayon Saeed should be looking intense, you can actually see him smiling. Armeena Rana khan cannot act!! Please someone tell her that all good looking people are not good actors too. The shadi night scene was anything but romantic! And why are saba’s parents and her brother not being given much screen time? I fail to understand that.

Anyway, I am definitely loving it for mahira khan. I never knew she could act so well.

Did you watch the last episode?

Blissful Marriage (5)

Sex

It must be made very clear that extra-marital or pre-marital sex is simply not allowed.

Those who invoke not, with Allah, any other god, nor slay such life as Allah has made sacred except for just cause, nor commit fornication; – and any that does this (not only) meets punishment.[25:68]

Having clarified this particular issue, it must be noted in all other references, the Qur’an very explicitly talks about sex with the spouse. And the Qur’an actually talks about sex in a lot more detail than we think. All it does is put certain limitations which are in fact much less than we often impose due to our ‘cultures’ and ‘traditions.’

Your wives are as a tilth unto you; so approach your tilth when or how ye will; but do some good act for your souls beforehand; and fear Allah. And know that ye are to meet Him (in the Hereafter), and give (these) good tidings to those who believe. [2:223]

So it basically means you can have sex whenever and wherever you feel like rather than the much accepted night time. I have seen a lot of families not giving enough privacy to married couples during the day and making faces if someone desires some privacy apart from night. So if you have a married couple at home, dont just barge in to their rooms, and dont try to be as nosy as you would like to be.

Many people have taken this particular verse as being something which allows anal sex. The Qur’an does not explicitly talk about anal sex. However Tabari states, “The Prophet (SAW) is reported to have said, ‘Allah (SWT) is not ashamed of the truth (the Prophet (SAW) said it three times). Do not enter women in their anuses.'” On the other hand, Sahih Bukhari is astoundingly confusing on the matter:

Narrated Nafi’:

Whenever Ibn ‘Umar recited the Qur’an, he would not speak to anyone till he had finished his recitation. Once I held the Qur’an and he recited Surat-al-Baqara from his memory and then stopped at a certain Verse and said, “Do you know in what connection this Verse was revealed? ” I replied, “No.” He said, “It was revealed in such-and-such connection.” Ibn ‘Umar then resumed his recitation. Nafi added regarding the Verse:–“So go to your tilth when or how you will” Ibn ‘Umar said, “It means one should approach his wife in ..” [Vol. 6, Book 60, Hadith No. 50]

Now, can you really believe this….it leaves a blank space!!! Being so confusing, I would recommend that you simply follow the commonly held belief that anal sex is haram. At least that will keep you safe.

The only limitation on sex that I have been able to find is about having sex during ‘that’ time of the month.

They ask thee concerning women’s courses. Say: They are a hurt and a pollution: So keep away from women in their courses, and do not approach them until they are clean. But when they have purified themselves, ye may approach them in any manner, time, or place ordained for you by Allah. For Allah loves those who turn to Him constantly and He loves those who keep themselves pure and clean. [2:222]

The ayah again talks about having sex “in any manner, time, or place.” The choice is pretty much your own. This ayah also brings to the spotlight the fact that the act of sex and the resulting secretions are pure and clean. This opens up another aspect of debate: Oral Sex. Interestingly, the Qur’an has nothing to talk about it. However, there are certain ahadith which do talk about foreplay, I am stating one here:

The Prophet (SAW) said, “No one among you should have sex with his wife like animals; rather there should be a messenger between them.” When asked about the messenger, he said, “It means kissing and talking”. (Tahzibu’l-Ihya, vol. 3, p. 110)

And who says sex is not allowed during Ramadan?

Permitted to you, on the night of the fasts, is the approach to your wives. They are your garments and ye are their garments. [2:187]

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Blissful Marriage (4)

Polygamy

Women, hate me for saying this out loud once again, but polygamy is allowed in Islam.

If ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, Marry women of your choice, Two or three or four; but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (among them), then only one, or (a captive) that your right hands possess, that will be more suitable, to prevent you from doing injustice. [4:3]

Men, stop being so happy now. There are conditions that you must fulfill to justify marrying another woman!

The Arabs were guilty of a double injustice to widows: they did not give them and their children a share in the inheritance of their husbands, nor were then inclined to marry widows who had children, because the responsibility for the maintenance of the children would in that case devolve upon them. The Qur’an remedied both these problems by giving a share of inheritance to the widow with a share also for the orphans, and it commended the taking of such widows in marriage by allowing polygamy expressly for this purpose. It should, therefore, be clearly understood that monogamy is the rule in Islam and polygamy is only allowed in certain circumstances. This permission was given at a time when the wars, which were forced on the Muslims, had decimated the men, so that many widows and orphans were left for whom it was necessary to provide. A provision was made in the form of polygamy so that the widow should find a home and protector and the orphans should have paternal care and affection.

Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in (the husband’s) absence what Allah would have them guard. As to those women on whose part ye fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (Next), refuse to share their beds, (And last) beat them (lightly); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them Means (of annoyance): For Allah is Most High, great (above you all). [4:34]

Another condition that must not be ignored is that a man has to be able to deal justly with all of his wives. Now thats quite a task. Dealing with one wife can be difficult for men, I only wonder how men can deal justly with 2, 3 or even 4 wives.

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Blissful Marriage

One day when Hazrat Aisha (RA) was spinning some woollen thread, she looked up to see Prophet (SAW) with a golden glow of contentment on his face, mending his sandals, sitting beside her on the floor. She praised him with a poetic quotation and he, never to be outdone in gallantary, kissed her forehead gently and said, “O Aisha (RA), may Allah (SWT) reward you well. I am not as much the source of joy to you as you are to me.”

we live in a society that revolves around the term ‘wedding’; be it social gatherings or tv serials, nothing is deemed complete without it. Our businesses thrive on this term: fashion designers, make up artists, caterers, photograhers and even carpenters would have been starving if this term didnt sum up the whole meaning of our lives. But how many of us look beyond this term and think of a closely related term which in fact is the reality behind the contract signing ritual: marriage. Sadly, very few!

I was difficult to be convinced to get married. When I finally did agree to get married, I knew I had chosen just the right guy. I had made a decision and I knew I could not let anyone or anything weaken my decision. For that I needed to strengthen my decision further which could only come through knowledge.

I was engaged for exactly 9 months and during this time I had to mentally prepare myself to live in a house I had never seen even in my dreams, leave the only country in the world I called home, call a new family my own and dedicate my whole life to a man I had met only thrice. This was all too overwhelming for me. Alhamdulillah, my susraal was always a relief and because of them I knew I was getting married to the right person. But, there were still people who would instill all sorts of negativity in me about my decision. So, instead of thinking about this all the time, I was able to find ample time to study about Islamic Marriages (interestingly, there is not much stress on weddings in Islam).

I am not saying that I had an Islamic wedding but I had a very simple wedding as compared to most weddings I have attended in the past few years. I wish I could have an even simpler wedding if I had not gotten weak. Some times you just have to give up cuz of ur own extended family’s cultural values. I wish I could have been stronger. I am not even saying that I adjusted to my new life style immediately, in fact I am still trying to adjust. After all, even water takes a while to calm down after its hit by a small pebble and no matter how much you prepare yourself, you dont really know how the experience would be until u start living it.

But that does not mean you should not prepare yourself at all. You cannot just enter the examination hall with no preparation at all unless you wish to fail. You might not be able to solve all the problems, but at least you have to make an attempt. And that is precisely the reason why I am doing this series of posts: I want to share what I have found regarding marriage with all of my readers, knowledge might give you the courage to initiate the change. If you are a guy, its a bit easier to be assertive in our society. Go ahead and be the change you want to see.

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