Ti’s The Season For Weddings

As time is progressing, pakistani weddings have become bigger and larger. Now people want designer wear and creative dance floors only to have a wedding that not only the guests will remember for a long time but will also look better than any other on Instagram and Pinterest. But with pomp and aplomb comes a heavy price that young, newly married couples can hardly afford. Here is a list of 10 trendy items that you can have for your wedding which will not cost you an arm.

1. Customised mehndi/mayon jewellery

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2. Customised paranda to go with your mehndi/mayon jewellery

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3. Little matki- can be used to keep ubtan or just as a little prop to spice up the decor

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4. Customised diyas

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5. Mehndi Thaal

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6. Potli Pouches

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7. Nikah pen and rasam key pattey

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8. Doodh pilai rasam glass

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9. Arsi mushaf mirror

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10. Gift boxes and baskets

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Please note this is not a sponsored post but a recommendation.

All the pictures used in this post are provided by Huma Ashraf. She is a crafter who has turned her passion into her very successful business venture. She is a single mother of a young girl and with her hard work has become a source of inspiration for a lot of other girls around her. She can be contacted via her Facebook page.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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What Women Want

6F94388E-BA02-4A28-B307-E527E38F05CBWhat Women Want
Yes that is the name of the popular Hollywood romantic comedy starring Mel Gibson, but it is also the eternal question that men, women, society as a whole needs an answer to. Each individual has a different answer (if they have one at all), as Gibson finds out by the end of the movie, there is no one thing that women want but most of all they want love and respect. Not to be treated as objects or rungs on the ladder to success. Although women are the focus of the movie it is true for everyone, even plants and animals.
Respect is a very simple yet very large word, it stands for a basic human right, it encompasses dignity and attitude and it simply means giving each living thing its due. It’s as basic as the right to live. An animal in the wild respects this balance in the world, examples of this can be found in the fact that wild animals rarely kill for fun or sport, only when the need for survival kicks in. When you respect life itself then you respect the fact that everyone has a place in this world, is connected to the world around them, and that the very niche they occupy is important and affects everyone and everything around them. If taught to respect we understand the true equality of mankind.
When we do not teach our children basic respect we are depriving them of following a law of nature, we are bringing up the creepy boys who prey on vulnerable women but feel their ‘honour’ is in line if their mothers/daughters/sisters/wives are being preyed upon. We are bringing up girls who think they can only climb the ladder of success if they use other people to stand up upon; we are bringing up individuals who do not spare a thought for those who are working for them, for animals and nature who are at their mercy.
It is true that most of us are taught to respect men only, especially those who have some power over us and then men also get the larger portion of respect when it comes to women’s rights as individuals. So let’s promise on this women’s day to respect one another, to respect humanity, to respect dignity, to respect nature, to respect life and most of all to respect those who give so much and demand so little. Let’s learn and then teach the next generation to respect women and respect life.

Win a box of yummilicious cupcakes

And that too delivered right at your doorstep!

We are very excited to announce our first competition 🎉🎉 that will let you win a box of 6 chocolate cupcakes!!

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So here’s your chance to win a box of 6 chocolate cupcakes with chocolate frosting from a home based bakery, Mummy’s Delight, owned by the very talented Lubna Imran.

🎁🎁🎁

Lubna has a diploma in Food and Beverage Management and has worked at the very prestigious Marriot. She has been running her business since 2014.

To enter, you must
1. Be a resident of Karachi
2. Like and share Mummy’s Delight
3. Share this post with your friends
4. Comment ‘done’ on this post

Terms and conditions
1. Competition closes on January 6th, 2018
2. The winner will be chosen randomly and will be announced on January 8th, 2018
3. The winner’s cupcake box will be delivered on January 13th, 2018
4. The winner will need to pay for delivery charges
5. The prize is non transferable and has no cash alternative
6. Only one entry is permitted per person

Tutorial: Master the Skill of Applying Flawless Lipstick

Lipstick is the essence of our traditional & casual makeups; it is indeed an art that can easily be mastered through some techniques. If you are one of those struggling to cope up with a quick fading lipstick or a lipstick that dries your lips & sometimes even end up on your teeth, then here is a quick guide to master this art perfectly.
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EXFOLIATE FOR A SENSATIONAL BLEND:

The first and foremost step is to prepare your lips to avoid any flakiness. Exfoliate your lips by using a soft & damp toothbrush. Do not forget to apply a lip balm that will ultimately help in producing a smoother lip texture. A lip primer may also be used for achieving a long-lasting hydration & color stay.

APPLYING A BASE:

If you want to get rid of an even lip tone, then use a base or concealer on your lips before applying any lipstick shades. Use a flat brush for applying compact powder to seal the base & bringing the true shades of lipsticks.

MAGIC OF A LIP LINER:

Majority of the women apply lipstick directly on their lips without using a lip liner. It not only results in quick fading but also results in broken edges of your lipstick. So, try to use a matching lip liner with your lipstick shades & carefully draw the outline to define your natural lip line.

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FINALLY-IT’S YOUR LIPSTICK’S TURN:
Apply your lipstick by using a lip brush to cover the inner edges of your lips & intensify the color according to your needs. Now blend it precisely with your lip liner to give a perfect look. If you are using a matte lipstick, you can add some definitions like lip gloss to give a pouty look.

* Please note this is not a sponsored post. The pictures are the property a makeup artist, Zainab Taha. She is a self taught freelancer and can be contacted via her Group on Facebook.

And while we are talking about lipsticks and their easy application, why not have a look at these lip glosses which are absolutely easy to apply 🙂

The sad saga of Nauman Ali Khan

Around 12 years ago, I went through a time when I was unsure of my emaan. I had questions in my mind which if articulated could be considered blasphemy. I felt guilt. I thought I’m a failure. And then I started to read the Quran and hadith books ony own trying to make sense of my being. With that came the process of listening and reading to various preachers from various sects. It seemed I was not satisfied with the interpretations of a lot of them (without intending to be disrespectful to any of them).

Then finally in 2012, I stumbled upon a lecture by Nauman Ali Khan and I just loved it. I kept listening to his lectures and soon realised that he is my favourite teacher/preacher. It’s easy to relate to him as well. He was brought up just like any of us without a religious background. His struggle that he went through in learning Arabic and Quran was inspirational. He knows what people living in non Muslim countries go through, how hard it is bring up kids in today’s era. He has this ability to make the wisdom in the text easy for us to understand. He is eloquent and speak the language that is easy for us to understand.

And thus, became my hero.

With that, I, like many other of his followers forgot that he is just a human too.

And to err is human.

So, over the weekend, I found out through a friend about the accusations that were hurled at him through someone called Omar Muzaffar who claimed to be Nauman Ali khan’s friend. Nauman Ali Khan disagrees here. Anyway, he accused khan for inappropriate behaviour with multiple women. I could not really understand what it exactly means coz that inappropriate behaviour can be anything from flirtation to rape. It also claimed that khan had confessed to several of these accusations. I read on with disbelief, my eyes were literally popping out.

On further reading, it became apparent that there was no sexual assault. That was a relief. But he was being accused of sending inappropriate pictures, messages, flirting and then bribing and threatening too! Some of them are not illegal but bribing and threatening definitely are.

Nauman Ali Khan himself has denied those allegations. He is saying that he only approached those ladies with the intent of marrying one of them with their and their family’s consent and his behaviour was never inappropriate. He only spoke with the intent of finding the right person for himself. Sounds harmless.

But now the problem is that I have read the leaked whatsapp chats. They could have easily been faked. But they might be true as well. Who knows?

One more thing that has come out of this whole scenario is that the victims have spoken up. It’s not easy to speak up about abuse. Be it by the husband, father, teacher or their boss.  Women are scared of speaking up because they are scared of being slut shamed.

I just think if nauman Ali Khan wants to prove his innocence and get back respect, he must prove in court that those pictures are photoshopped, those whatsapp messages are fake, he has never bribed anyone or threatened the team of imams on the case. He must file a case for defamation and prove it all in court. Defamation is a serious crime. But of course he will only do that if he is innocent. Otherwise we all know our society always blames women and forgives men for whatever they have done. I’m glad that he has asked for a ‘theatre free environment to investigate allegations against him.’ Let’s hope that he can clarify all the misconceptions and prove that he is innocent. I’m praying for that.

I’m very sad and disappointed but if it’s true it won’t be something new. Men in power have always abused it and women have always been the soft target. Interestingly, even if proven to be correct, most people will continue slut shaming the women rather than praising them for their bravery. It takes a lot to speak against crimes and injustice done against yourself and our society doesn’t make it any easier. Even now when we don’t even know who those women are, there are thousands of messages slut shaming them. I know it’s possible that they might not be victims and just be opportunists…..but what if it’s the other way round? They will not be given justice just because we thought that a celebrity might be victimised instead?

I have decided not to listen to his lectures for the time being… Till it all clears out. Not because I hate him or can’t stand his face anymore or don’t think he is not knowledgeable enough. I just feel I don’t respect him the way I did before. I’m not taking away all his contributions towards islam. His lectures have helped millions across the globe to come closer Islam, clear lots of their misconceptions. I’m not discouraging anyone else from listening to his lectures.

I’m neither in defence or prosecution. I don’t have any first hand knowledge but I want all this mess to be cleared up in an honourable way. Of course I don’t want to read all his messages or study his pictures if they are photoshopped or not. But I would want to know if nauman Ali Khan also abused his power or became a victim of mud slinging in a power struggle among preachers.

Religion, culture and item songs

A few days ago I saw a very interesting post by Hamza Ali Abbasi regarding item songs in pakistani movies and since then I have been thinking of doing this post.

For those who don’t know what I am talking about, have a look

Now, I respect hamza Ali Abbasi a lot for certain things. And speaking his mind on social media and creating awareness over issues he thinks are important for the nation definitely tops the list. I’m also really glad that although he did Jawani Phir Nahi Aani due to his close friendship with Humayon Saeed, he opted out of the second installment as he does not like how commercial cinema is objectifying women.

So as i mentioned above, I’ve been thinking about all this quite a lot lately and I’m not sure what the correct answer is.

As soon as a new Bollywood item song comes out, it becomes all the rage. We see girls dancing on Shiela ki Jawani and Baby Doll Main Soney  Ki in front of their parents St weddings and their parents smiling at them with pride.

Then comes out an item song from a pakistani movie which is like 1000 times tamer than songs like Chikni Chameli and the whole platoon of disco mullahs, keyboard warriors and Internet muftis is suddenly worried about culture and religion. And their main concern becomes the dehumanising and objectification of women in these songs.

While I have failed to understand this hypocrisy, I have failed to understand many other things too which revolve around the dehumanising and objectification of women.

I personally feel that in patriarchal societies like ours, women are objectified in every day lives a lot. Don’t believe me? Then please Google the news where man raped a woman, he was punished by making another man rape his sister.

And this is definitely not the only case of this sort. Vani is a common practice in a lot of different regions in pakistan and no one even gives a second thought about it after reading such news as women are considered unworthy creatures (read objects) who are only there to satisfy needs of men (be it in the form of a sister, mother or wife). So what if a man murders someone as long as he has a virgin sister who he can offer as Vani.

Now, do these in any way fit in our religious values? No, a straight no. So do they fit in our cultural values? Perhaps yes.

Women are not only objectified in rural areas. It’s common practice in our urban setting as well. Oh, you don’t believe me? Then, perhaps you have never heard of cases where men throw acid on women’s faces because they rejected their proposal? I mean, how could they dare reject someone? They are mere objects with no emotions or feelings. If a guy has stalked them, has made attempts at molesting them, they should just somehow fall in love and get married.

I can’t find any Islamic reference to support this, so I am thinking this sort of objectification somehow stems out from our culture as well.

Finally, these worthless objects seem to be carrying the burden of whole family’s honour on their shoulders (or I should say in between their legs) as well. So a chaste woman is not supposed to have any sexual desires at all. She should only be able to satisfy her husband’s desires. She is after all just an object to be used as and when desired by its rightful owner.

Digging deep into our culture, we have also have mujras and bacha bazi in different parts of the country…practiced in the name of culture.

With this patriarchal mentality rampant in our society, we sit down to watch an item song and enjoy it on our own but get embarrassed if our family is sitting with us. Why? Because we can’t see a woman displaying her sensuality? Because we think we should cover and protect a woman’s sexuality? Or because we are really concerned about how women are being compared to  supari to be chewed?

I personally believe that item songs (or dance numbers or whatever you may want to call them) should be added in movies but the lyrics and the performance on the song should be tasteful and classy. Of course people go to the cinema to be entertained and not to be preached but this entertainment does not necessarily has to come by comparing women with cats. The women don’t have to been seen dancing surrounded by 100s of lewd men trying to grope them.

If you don’t know what a classy item song is, please watch this video and remind yourself of one of the best item song in history.

Also, more stories need to be written with women as strong characters rather than just eye candy. There will be no need for item songs then as a lot of women are agreeing to these item songs as it’s lucrative for them in terms of money. If there are enough good stories with strong female characters, chances are that women will be busy playing those roles rather than thrusting their chests in our faces.

*the second image has been taken from a Facebook page called ‘Comics by Saeeda’

Why she stayed?

Silicon Valley CEO abused wife for 10 years, jailed for 30 days only

Yes, you read it correctly. Only 30 days.

And what angered me more was that the judge actually asked her why she stayed for so long?

And since I have read this, I have been thinking the same, why she stayed? She was an educated, independent woman who was an engineer at Apple. She should not have tolerated this abuse even for a day. How did she let it be for 10 years?

But is it really so easy to get out of abusive relationships?

Unfortunately, no. It’s not easy at all. It’s in fact, very difficult.

Abuse is very common, a lot more than we think. In fact, we overlook it most of the times. It’s something we don’t want to talk about, scared that people might be judgemental towards us. But by doing that we also make our loved ones feel that being a victim of abuse is something to be embarrassed about. Also, if the abuse is psychological, we often don’t pay heed at all.

Abusers have one goal in mind: to take (and mainten) control over the victim. To do so, they can choose any method: fear, intimidation or guilt to make sure the victim does not ask for help or try to get out of the situation.

All abusive relationships work in a cycle: the tension build up, the explosion and the honeymoon period. The explosion is the time when the abuse actually happens and can be triggered by something very petty and the honeymoon period is the time when the abuser pretends to act sweet and tries to win over the victim again. This is also the time when although the abuser apologises for his/her behaviour but also makes sure to tell the victim that it was only the victim’s actions that forced the abuser into committing that act. Victims of abuse over time loose confidence and start believing this lie slowly and gradually that it’s their fault to be in such a situation.

One of the many reasons why Neha Rastogi decided to stay with her abusive husband Abhishek Ghattani for 10 years. Because she loved him. And because she believed him when he told her that every time he abused her, it was her mistake.

But that’s not the only reason I must say. Victims often start doubting themselves: what if I will be unable to cope? What if he really will change just like he promised me last week? And things like this only make the victim fall deeper into the abyss.

And then of course the social stigma. Since childhood, girls are bombarded with the idea of them being the damsel in distress who would be saved by their knights in shining armour. They dream of their weddings and divorce is often seen as a failure of being a good wife and/or mother.

And then finally when a victim musters all the courage to actually take action, the judge asks her, “Why did you stay for so long?”